Waking up with no alarm clock

Well, almost. I wake up each day now when I hear my son on the baby monitor. This happens at almost exactly 9 AM each day. It is such a joy to get up when the sun and baby get up. It took me a few weeks not to feel panicky everytime this happened. Oh my God, I’ll be late for work! Oh yeah, I have no job. Then a different sort of panic would settle in. Now that it’s been a month since the “lay off” I have gotten over those feelings. It’s a lot like a break-up, the pain fades with time.

My new panic attacks happen when I figure out how to buy health, dental, and life insurance on the open market. My husband is self employed and I had all of our insurance coverage through work. We are fortunate that none of us has any existing conditions- that I know of. But geez this stuff is expensive and a pain the arse to shop for. Argh. I opted not to go with the COBRA coverage when I saw that it would be over $1300 month for health and dental coverage. Whatever happens in the election tomorrow, I pray that health insurance gets more affordable for all of us!

What it's all about

I was laid off recently. I had been working at my job for over 5 years. It was the first and only job I had out of grad school. I loved the people I worked with and the great benefits. Sometimes I even liked the job itself, if you can believe that. Anyways, the economy is slow and the company didn’t have enough money to keep paying everyone- so the layoffs began. It’s tough because I had a great situation. I was able to work from home twice a week and keep flexible hours. I was able to work and be a Mom with time to spend with my son (he turned 18 months old today). Now that I may not be able to find such a great situation I wonder if I want to go back to work at all. So, my journey begins.

Can I afford to stay home with my son? Will I be fulfilled intellectually by stay-at-home-motherhood? Will it be a waste of all that hard work and education that got me this far? Will I be less “employable” when I am ready to return to work? Does any of that matter as long as I give my son everything he needs?

I don’t know. This is where I plan to chronicle that journey. Wish me luck.